{September 7th, 2018}

The leaves are changing. They are fading from a brilliant green in which the sun filters through gently to warm my face. In the winter I often crave that feeling. Komorebi in Japanese. The sun filtering through the leaves. I long to look up into the sky and squint these glossy eyes towards the blinding rays of the sun.

But right now I’m longing for dancing leaves. The shades of brown, gold, and red as they twist and twirl and tantalise me when they slip onto the Earth’s surface. When the wind blows my hair in all directions, tickling my face and chilling my nose, the leaves pick up and perform around me. Something about it makes me feel powerful and ready to take on the world.

In the winter I guess most people long for summer. Although I miss the bronzed skin, summer never seems to fill a piece missing in me the way that Autumn does. Autumn has a way of caressing my cheek and leading my feet with the breeze. If I believed in romance, I guess I’d have that with Autumn. A one time a year relationship, where for at least part of the time, I feel content.

A content-ness like a warm fire. Watching the flames as they move in rhythmic motion. Warming my frigid fingers and toes. Fuzzy socks on hardwood floors. Late night vampire movies with friends you haven’t seen in awhile. Love letters from people of the past. Hot chocolate and warm cookies now that the oven doesn’t add to the blistering heat of Summer.

As October comes into play, so do the spirits of the people we’ve forgotten, but I somehow feel. The voices in my head get louder and louder as those who no longer walk beside us remind me they’re still here. In this living world, people begin to express their true selves under costumes. For a short time, every one is just as they wish they could be the rest of the year. For my mind, this is a time of truth and observation. As Scorpio season sets in.

But those stories are for another month. For now it is September. A re-birth as the nature around us slowly dies. And in that death they seem to give me their life. I’ll use this energy the best I can to fuel this broken burdened heart and love regardless, all of the things that I can never hold.

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