I get so sad seeing my last posts on various medias. Letting the world know I was finally going back to Tokyo. To keep a long story short, my time spent in Japan was short due to assault. I couldn’t financially afford to leave the situation I was in on top of trying to maintain my mental well-being at work, so it was best to leave for the time being. I’m feeling pretty lost on what I want these days.
I still want to be an artist and a writer. Well, I guess I am both of those things. But, I guess I mean I want to be able to connect and find opportunities in those areas. Speaking of, I self published some of my works! Check it out and leave a review!:
I guess being assaulted kind of pushed me to take the leap and get my words out there. (I’m trying to find positives in my situation.) I’ve been searching for a job in Michigan to pick myself back up financially. So with all my free time to avoid my thoughts of feeling like a failure, I’ve been drawing a ton. I will update my art page soon with drawings from October. Some friends and I are participating in Inktober or whatever you call it. Follow @hotaruchi_ on Instagram for quicker updates!
I’m trying to decide what life looks like for me. When I was in Tokyo I started to think, “what’s important?” Is being in Tokyo the most important thing to me? What exactly am I running from in Michigan? Is it family? Is it myself? Is it the memories? But even when I’m far away, those things are apart of me.
I’ve decided that life isn’t about “figuring it all out”. However, I can’t stop the daily dull feel of existence if I’m not trying to figure something out. How do I feel satisfied?
For now I want to keep it simple as my spirit heals from this set back in my life. Pay my bills, create art, be able to travel once a year to Japan or wherever my heart desires. I want to go where the wind takes me and stop trying to fight things.
Kind of makes me feel like I’m giving up when I try to put the thought into words. But it’s not like that. If anything, I’ve found a lot more motivation to grow. I’m excited I can see the process of growth in my art and in my writing pieces.
So if something you’ve worked so hard on doesn’t go according to plan, I hope that you find something in what feels like a failure. So many things in life are out of our control. And we hate that. But, I think something incredible about our lives is that we can constantly rebuild. And I hope we can create something wonderful.